Knights of Micro Fiction is a bloghop hosted by Kathy (Imagine Today) and Jessica (Write. Skate. Dream) on the 15th of every month. They came up with it as a way to meet new friends, help build the blogosphere and (hopefully) spark some creativity. So, here's the prompt:
Write a flash fiction in 200 words or less, using the phrase: The sky darkened...
Then for an added challenge, include a sound that surprises one of your characters and a foul smell.
This seemed so interesting, I really wanted to participate! I did last month and it was so much fun! I'm usually someone who uses a lot of words, so it's like a challenge for me to write something in a given word limit. Here's my entry! :)
***
The sky darkened, sheaths of black
clouds covered the sparkling blue expanse, too early in the summer time.
Gripping the uneven rock jutting out from the sloping mountain, I looked up and
immediately felt dizzy. “Don’t lose it!” Henji called from below, climbing near
me, heaving breaths and sweating. I checked on our green and saffron flag
sticking out from my backpack, found another piece of rock and climbed higher
as the sky grew darker and my field of vision reduced considerably. I could no
longer see our destination, the summit our trio would be the first to reach.
“I can’t see Morris!” I said. We were almost there, oxygen masks secure, flag in hand, but Morris was behind us and now I couldn’t see him at all. An extremely loud thunderclap sounded, like an explosion and I hugged the terrain for life, Henji cursing beside me. Almost immediately afterwards, a pungent burning smell came rushing through our masks, rendering them useless. With great effort, Henji pulled me up to the summit and we watched with pangs of agony and horror as a lone blazing figure rolled down the dull slope far below our reach, covered in flames.
This is so much fun! Great flash. Love how the story leads you. D.
ReplyDeleteThanks for reading! :)
DeleteGreat piece, Ashna, I like the way you convey the hope of reaching a destination but it becomes tinged with tragedy.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I can be really mean in stories sometimes ;) I'm glad you liked it. :)
DeleteThe best kind of prose is birthed when the author gets carried away by her or his fantasies. :-) As Sally wrote, you did a fine job of evoking hope, ending with surprise and horror. Denise is right. It was a fun read.
ReplyDeleteOh thank you so much for such a lovely comment! Nothing makes me happier, than to see people appreciating what I've written here. Thanks a ton! :D
DeleteOh wow, this totally surprised me! Poor Morris! Love how you included every aspect of the challenge in such a creative way! Great job and thanks for participating!! :D
ReplyDeleteThanks! I'm glad you liked it! :D
DeleteI loved the twist at the end. It's a great feeling when the piece takes over and you just write it down! Great job!
ReplyDeleteThanks for joining in!
Thanks! I'm liking it more now that I know how you all feel about it. :D
DeleteBeautifully written... I loved the way you gave a nice twist in the end making the story extraordinary!
ReplyDeleteThanks Me! :)
DeleteThis was full of drama and tension. Love it!
ReplyDeleteThis is so amazingly written! I never wanted it to end, especially it was taking me deeper inside your thoughts and imagination!
ReplyDeleteKeep writing Ashna! :D
@ Nick: Thanks for reading! :)
Delete@ Leo: I'd love to write something longer along the same lines ;) Thanks! :)
By the way, you've won this month's KOMF! The prize is an interview on my blog, so I'll be emailing the details shortly :)
ReplyDeleteHave a wonderful day!
Oh wow! Thanks a lot Jess! I'm sooo happy! :D
DeleteCongratulations Ashna. Joint winners!
ReplyDeleteCongratulations Ashna.....well done :)
ReplyDelete@ Denise: Thank you and congratulations to you too! :)
Delete@Avina: Thank you! :)